Everything seemed to be running smoothly right up until I turned 65. All of a sudden, I started feeling at odds with my growing older self. Physically, I feel fine it’s my thought that trouble me.

I think that I have arrived at 65 too fast. After all, 65 is halfway to 70 and it saddens me. I am at odds with my mortality. Can I tell you exactly what bothers me about growing older? No, I can’t put my finger on it. My thoughts are too scattered.

I recently read an article about Ursula Le Guin and Jose Saramago, who started blogging when they were about 85. It seems these two gifted writers were at odds with growing older and shared their feelings on a blog. Not that I would dare compare myself to these two renowned talents, but I remember how helpful and gratifying my first blog was.

Blogging helped me deal with my daughter’s cancer. While Morgan was slowing winning her battle against Lymphoma, I was writing my thoughts down in notebooks, on the back of envelopes and any pieces of paper that I could lay my hands on. My brain felt like it would burst and all I wanted to do was scream. I created a blog and named it “Pamela Out Loud.”

After Morgan went into remission, I ended “Pamela Out Loud” and turned it into “A Place to Write, Finding My Voice.” I don’t know if I found my voice, but I certainly worked my way through old wounds and regrets and was able to put a bout of dark depression on the back burner. Once “A Place to Write” served it’s purpose, I created a fun photo blog, called “Photo Book: Adventures of a Curious Camera.

I eventually lost interest in “Photo Book,” I needed something different, a safe haven to gather my uncertain thoughts and troubled feelings. I want to be able to reflect and rejoice. I need to share.

Welcome to my new blog, “Scattered Thoughts.”

Pamela Hodgdon is a New England based photographer and blogger.
All content and photographs appearing on this website are © Pamela Hodgdon.

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